On integrity
“The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. It sounds very simple, but it is very, very powerful. […] It is through the word that you manifest everything.” - Don Miguel Ruiz
The last few weeks have been heavy in my heart. I’ve confronted the kick-off of a new year and work projects, Saint Louis’s lingering snow and ice, unexpected building maintenance issues, a hospitalized grandmother, and the upheaval of this administration transition. I have felt restless, irritable, overwhelmed, and melancholy. All these emotions are understandable when you are presented with a series of challenges touching on many different life spheres - even more so when the challenges run the gamut in your ability to effect change.
It has taken many years, but I have learned that in times like these, it’s helpful to narrow my vision and look at what I can most clearly control, make a few simple promises to myself/others, and fulfill those promises. Have you ever noticed that if you say to yourself you’re going to go for a walk and then you don’t go for a walk, you feel slightly crappy? You may even find yourself explaining to a friend why you didn’t do what you said you were going to do, thinking that rationalization will make you feel better…but it seldom does?
Don Miguel Ruiz would say that what you are experiencing is the pain of not fulfilling an implied contract you made by speaking/thinking of an action you will take; by failing to “be impeccable with your word” you are eroding trust in yourself. On the whole, while the language of The Four Agreements often strays to the mystical and spiritual, the core message - the agreements themselves - are incredibly practical. They are:
Be impeccable with your word. (Keep your promises - to yourself and others and only make promises you intend to keep)
Don't take anything personally. (Realize that most things are not about you and don’t try to make them about you)
Don't make assumptions. (Recognize that your assumptions are based on your thoughts and feelings and ask questions instead)
Always do your best. (Whatever energy you have on a given day, give it. Know that your available energy will change day to day.)
The Stoic philosophers, the Bible through the words of Jesus, the texts of the Hindu Upanishads all offer similar recommendations - the packaging may be slightly different, but the recommendations echo each other.
For everyday application, I prefer the Four Agreements because they are easy to memorize; after my initial reading, I said them aloud first thing in the morning. When I felt tension or frustration arising throughout the day, I said them as “I” statements. (I am impeccable with my word; I do not take anything personally; I do not make assumptions; I always do my best.) I found that there was usually one tenet that could help me reframe the situation to find action forward rather than a spiral of emotional energy.
As we close out January, think about which of these agreements resonates with you the most. Do any of them make you feel defensive or angry? Can you get curious about why? Do your answers immediately pivot to others instead of yourself? Is there a way you can reclaim your peace by choosing to focus on what you can control with integrity?
Be well, beautiful people.
PS In two weeks I will participate in my second annual Polar Plunge benefiting the Special Olympics. If that’s a cause you’d like to support, you can find more here: Erin Takes the Plunge 2
