On equanimity
Yesterday in the United States we celebrated Independence Day; this morning I am back to reading Magness’s book Do Hard Things, and I finished the chapter “Respond Instead of React.” It’s a very timely chapter, given that the ultimate freedom is when you can enter any conversation, activity, or exercise with a presence of mind allowing you to choose - to consciously respond instead of reflexively reacting.
Towards the end of the chapter, Magness offers a subsection called “Finding Equanimity.”
Upekkha is a concept that Buddhist monk Bhikku Bodhi described as such: “A spiritual virtue, upekkha means equanimity in the face of the fluctuations of worldly fortune. It is evenness of mind, unshakeable freedom of mind, a state of inner equipoise that cannot be upset by gain and loss, honor and dishonor, praise and blame, pleasure and pain.” […] Upekkha translates to “equanimity,” which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.”
The Buddhist religion isn’t the only one to value equanimity. Hindu scripture proclaims to “perform your duty equipoised, O Arjuna, abandoning all attachment to success or failure. Such equanimity is called yoga.” In Stoic philosophy, the concept of ataraxia - a state of serene calmness - is emphasized, while in Christiantiy, the Bible is littered with references to having patience in order to persist. […]
Creating space, being tough, and responding instead of reacting are all forms of equanimity.
Over the years, many people (including myself) have pointed out to me that I lack patience and this is true on many levels. On the surface - I enjoy moving fast and accomplishing things quickly and efficiently. As a child, things that did not come easily to me (that did not fully capture my attention) frustrated me and often caused tears or tantrums. My first foray into proceeding forward, despite pain or frustration, was teaching myself how to run as a sixteen-year-old. After a failed attempt to join a soccer-playing coworker for a conditioning run in a nearby park (failed = a red-faced wheezing Erin stopping every tenth of a mile and ultimately being left behind), I set my sight on running that park loop (4.5 miles in hilly terrain) without stopping. Starting with repeats of the flat quarter mile loop around a nearby cul-de-sac, I slowly learned to breathe, conditioned my feet, and acquainted myself with the sensations of real pain versus strained effort. Two years later, I accompished my goal.
For me, physical feats have been the easiest place to condition myself to the effort of conscious persistence. Mental areas have been more challenging and experiences involving other people even more so. But the actions are the same - practicing engaging with the thing, remaining aware to what is happening, and decoupling the feeling from the response. As Magness says, “If we try to rely on avoidance or fighting through, we often strengthen the bonds between feeling, emotions, inner dialogue, and action.”
This week, where’s an area that you might want to practice more patience? Is it physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional? How can you engage with it to give yourself the opportunity to have a different experience than you normally do?
Be well, beautiful people.
