on paying attention
As I commented before, I spent 10 years on Instragram; what follows is repost of a story I shared there in 2021.
I would like to tell you all a story. Yesterday, I was presented an opportunity to connect with a stranger and I took it. Here’s what happened.
At the conclusion of my work day, I drove down to the nearby convenience store to pick up a bottle of wine; it was a beautiful evening in Saint Louis after yesterday morning’s thunderstorm and I planned to enjoy a glass on my balcony.
I pulled into a spot and, as I put my car into park, glanced to my right. I saw a woman two spots away, sitting in her front seat, sobbing.
I exited my car and stepped into the parking space between us, held my hand over my heart, looked towards her, and - when she caught my eye - mouthed, “Are you okay?”
She, continuing to heave, shook her head. I stepped closer. She rolled down her window and I asked again, “Are you okay?”
She wailed, “I just found out I lost someone close to me; I have lost so many people here recently. I just feel so alone!”
I told her that I was so sorry for her loss, pulled off my sunglasses, gave her my name, and asked if I could hold her hand, so she knew that she was, in fact, not alone. She grabbed it and kept talking.
She shared a little more and I responded back, both of us mutually acknowledging how hard it is to move through life as we lose people - to both life and to death. Her crying slowed and I asked if she was going to be okay. She paused and I said, “I’m going inside to buy some wine, do you want to walk with me?” She nodded and followed me in; as we continued chatting, I saw her body ease and her eyes clear.
As we checked out, the cashier overheard the mention of loss and shared she lost her husband nine years ago and it still hurts. As I was checking out, this woman remembered she needed something else and stepped out of line. As I left, she called out, “Erin, really, thank you.”
I’m not sharing this to make myself feel good. I’m sharing this becasue a few months ago, I either wouldn’t have seen her or I would have and chosen to turn away. Not because I am heartless, but because in modern times I feel we have learned we shouldn’t impose. I even said that to her - “I don’t want to impose but I wanted to make sure you were okay. To be able to drive safe.”
She was a human grieving.
She felt alone.
I’ve been there; I’m sure you have as well.
Never forget: you never know the totality of what is going on in other people’s lives.
We are all moving through this beautiful but brutal life, together but apart. This experience reminded me: don’t miss chances to connect with other humans.
PS David Foster Wallace has a great talk “This is Water” that speak on this topic.
