on resolutions & Running
That’s right - it’s that time of year we discuss “New Year’s Resolutions.” A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend, and I realized that the word “resolution” had lost some of its meaning to me; I knew this because when I read the definiton of the adjective form I was momentariy surprised.
Resolute: “Admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering.”
Admirable: Arousing respect or approval
Purposeful: Intentional
Determined: Consistently focused
Unwavering: Steady
This year, parsing out and meditating on this definition, feels very different for me; and it should. In 2023, I made some big moves and they were all with the goal of creating more peace and focus in my life.
I first sat with myself long enough to see myself fully - the good, the bad, the ugly - without judgement. It was not easy; I fought against myself many times. I often felt dread, loathing, and terror. But, on the other side of this work, I find myself in a place where I have fully assumed my power. Why? Because once you see yourself, anything someone reflects back to you about yourself can be met either with affirmation (“Yep, you’re sure right that I was flaky that day. I’m sorry I didn’t keep our meeting.”) or curiosity (“Hm, I don’t see it the way they are. Something I said or did must have given them that idea.” or “I disagree entirely - what in this person’s life may be causing them to have this perception?”). The need for a defensive posture - and all of the energy you spend keeping it - evaporates.
After two years of thinking about it, I made a significant personal health decision that was fully aligned with my core being. That decision made room for me to begin to make other big decisions - choosing to buy property in Saint Louis; experimenting with food, exercise, supplements, and medication to find my optimal balance; and committing to pouring into the people around me from a position of joy and abundance rather than a posture of obligation and scarcity.
In short: I stopped running from and started running towards. Resolutely.
In keeping with that theme, I’m rereading Christopher McDougall’s Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen.
I’ll be back next week with more reflections on that book but until then, I’ll ask you: from what have you been running? Is there a way to pivot so you can run toward it instead?
